Reflecting on your Reflection
Mirrors can be tricky for those recovering from food and body issues. You may have the intention of just a quick glance in the mirror to be sure your shirt is tucked in and end up examining your body in a hyper-critical way, scanning the body parts you have trouble accepting, imagining the gaze of others, and what they might think.
A condemning voice may shout negative thoughts in your head, telling you you aren’t OK the way you are. This line of thinking may go all the way down the rabbit hole until you are making a plan to skip the party tonight and try a new diet tomorrow. You may finally walk away in a depression, failing to even notice if your shirt is tucked in or not.
When I consider mirrors, I think of a body image mirror spectrum of sorts, where on one end is hyper-fixation with body checking, and on the other end is more of a body avoidance. In this blog, I will talk about both and also offer some tips for managing the two.
While considering this topic, keep in mind, as my mentors at The Center For Body Trust in Portland often say, “Your coping is rooted in wisdom.” This holds true for both body checking, be it in the mirror or otherwise, and body avoidance. There can be a very deep grove in your brain that wants you to ensure you are OK and you are fitting in. Body checking can be another way your brain assesses if you are safe. Body avoidance can help us to feel safer (albeit in an unworkable way) as well. Both can also be habits and coping mechanisms for dealing with stress or other unpleasant emotions that pop up around the holidays, or at any other time, for that matter.
BODY CHECKING
Frequently checking yourself out in the mirror may be rooted in wisdom, AND it can also be harmful. Those with food and/or body issues often use the mirror as a judge. You may place so much emphasis on what is reflected back to you that you evaluate your appearance as a reflection of your worth. If you judge that your body isn’t OK because it doesn’t fit the thin ideal, or some other oppressive standard, it may contribute to a critical voice in your head that tells you you aren’t okay the way you are.
Scrutinizing yourself in the mirror for perceived flaws can perpetuate a striving to change your body from its natural weight. In fact, studies show that frequent body checking – whether it be in the mirror, on the scale, assessing the fit of clothes, or something else- is correlated with increased dieting and disordered eating behaviors.
HEART GUIDED TIP 🥰
“YOU’RE WORTHY SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE.”
If you want to spend less time body-checking in the mirror, try covering or removing some of the mirrors in your home, especially if you have a go-to, body-checking mirror. (Often a full-length one.) This way, the habit of constant mirror checking may be softened and your self-worth has the opportunity to grow independently of your reflection.
BODY AVOIDANCE
When we talk about body image and its intersection with mirrors. It’s not always about hyper-fixation. In contrast to compulsive body checking and scrutiny, body avoidance is a behavior where you try to avoid seeing your body.
You may go to great lengths to avoid seeing your reflection in mirrors, windows, pictures, etc. This behavior can also perpetuate the idea that your appearance is unacceptable and needs to be changed. Avoidance multiplies the fear and anxiety that pops up when a reflective surface is come across. Each time a mirror is encountered and avoided, the fear is increased and it becomes harder to look at yourself with love or care.
HEART GUIDED TIP 🥰
“MEET THE MIRROR WITH COMPASSION.”
If avoidance has been your go-to, you may want to spend a bit of time with your reflection, but in a way that doesn’t cause further harm to you and your body. This can be challenging at first. Think of mirror time as exposure therapy. Be gentle with yourself and know it’s okay to go slowly. Intentionally plan some mirror time (make it just one to two minutes). Focus on neutral body statements; descriptors that don’t hold much moral value. For example, things I might say to myself are: “My hair is brown,” or “There are laugh lines at the sides of my eyes and corners of my mouth,” or “My belly is curved, and my legs are strong.” Minimize the impulse to pathologize or blame your body.
After some working on your relationship with your mirror image, you may feel more confident about encountering your reflection out in the world. When happening upon a mirror or reflective surface, don’t give your body a scrutinizing once-over, nor look away in fear. Instead, you’re invited to look yourself directly in the eyes (the window to the soul). Speak as if you are speaking to a beloved child. (Which you are!) Tell yourself how awesome you are and how much you are loved. It may sound corny, but how about just giving yourself a quick wink or blowing yourself a kiss?
Disclaimer of sorts: The above suggestions are recommended to help in habit-breaking. But, there may be something more to look at here. Reflections play a complicated role in a person’s sense of themself. I believe that obsession with or avoidance of the mirror is a call for deeper exploration into your relationship with your body and your trauma history.
Know that true beauty lies on the inside. Work on developing your inner beauty by being as respectful as you can toward yourself and your body. If you do find yourself gazing in the mirror, use it as an opportunity to see how truly beautiful your soul is. Remember, kindness is the way out, or should I say IN, always.
For more support in healing your relationship with your reflection, schedule a free meet-and-greet.
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