3 Tips for Self-Kindness During the Holiday Season

The Holiday Season is here. The holidays often center around food and this can be intimidating for those struggling with disordered eating. I’d like to take this opportunity to provide a few tips learned from walking this path with my clients over the years.

1.       Resist restricting.

Those influenced by diet culture (all of us 😊) may still rely to some degree on the idea of calories in/calories out.  This idea not only contributes to eating disorders, it is DEAD WRONG.  It ignores the fact that our bodies are amazing regulators, with all sorts of hormones at our disposal to regulate our metabolism. Restricting calories in any way may lead to a slowing down of metabolism as our body does its best to conserve energy. 

Instead of restricting during the day to “compensate” for what may be a larger meal later, it can be helpful to eat about every 3 hours leading up to a celebratory meal. This means, with holiday eating, I take care of “business as usual.”  I eat a nourishing breakfast, followed by a nourishing lunch, and snack, etc. Our metabolism can be likened to a campfire in which the logs are food.  As I keep putting logs on the fire, it burns brighter.  This means, if I nourish regularly, I will be hungry and feeling more vital and clear-headed as I approach a special meal, instead of being “beyond hungry.”

2.       Present yourself with permission.

Many concerned about their body weight and shape may make rigid rules for themselves over the holidays. We may tell ourselves things like, “keep your hands off the appetizer tray,” or “only one small piece of pie,” or “carbs are evil,” etc. These rules actually set us up.   The more we deem a certain food as off limits or bad, the more power we give that food and the more we ultimately crave it. Forbidden foods are often the very foods we binge on.  Judging foods as “off limits” can lead to feelings of deprivation and a type of food insecurity.  Once we finally give in to our craving, all bets are off. Because we think “this food is wrong,” we may eat serving past serving, because all the while we’re telling ourselves, “after this, I can’t have the food again.”

Instead of rules about types of food, I invite you to give yourself unconditional permission.  Not just allowing the previously forbidden food, but actually PLANNING on having it.   Once we are aware of the feelings of abundance this new attitude brings forth, we may let go of some of the fear, desperation, and cravings that surround a particular food, and we may be less apt to practice unhelpful food behaviors.

3.       Saturate with self-compassion.

I tell my clients, “I am way more concerned with how you treat yourself about what you do with food than with what you actually do with food.” Try to let go of some of the self-harm in your thoughts and actions around food and body.

Also, try to validate your emotions during this time.  The holiday season can be charged for many folks. Grief around losses may be especially poignant this time of year.  As can anxiety about our ever lengthening to-do list or about the prospect of spending time in more social situations than usual.  Cut yourself some slack.  This is NOT the time (I don’t think it's EVER the time, but that’s another matter) to hold yourself to some strict standard of food behavior. 

Surround yourself with messages that don’t emphasize diet culture, (get my Debunking Diet Culture Kit with more info on this by signing up at the bottom of this page) and if you do struggle with food behaviors during the holidays, take comfort in the notion that many other humans are doing the same.

My holiday wish for you includes having a new, sunnier perspective around food and your body.  I hope that you try some new behaviors this year, whether it be allowing as many of those delicious little pastry wrapped wieners as you want or practicing self-compassion by saying “no” to that daunting work gift exchange.  I wish for you to note with gratitude the many wonderful things your body does for you. I hope you treat your body and your whole self with kindness. 

Happy Holidays!