Listening to our bodies & trauma - What is the connection? (Part II of II)
Why is listening to our bodies so hard?
I can answer this question with a single word: trauma. Mike drop, blog written. But, since I have time on my hands today, I’ll actually expand my answer a bit.
The word trauma may sound big and scary, but the truth is trauma comes in all shapes and sizes and affects everyone to a certain degree. Trauma is not reserved for war veterans or those who were in a car accident, trauma can be as ‘simple’ as a missed emotional connection that affected how a person viewed the world.
The definition of trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. It could also mean a physical injury. There are many types of trauma, all of which can greatly challenge our ability to listen to our body.
There is acute trauma, such as an assault, which results from a single event.
Chronic trauma happens when a person is exposed to multiple, long-term, distressing traumatic events, over an extended period, such as a long-term serious illness or bullying. Prejudice and stigma can result in chronic trauma. For example, a person who is repeatedly body shamed may have a trauma response that involves dissociating from their body.
Complex trauma is the result of exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events, and it’s often in the context of interpersonal relationships. Examples are growing up in a dysfunctional family or experiencing domestic violence. Complex trauma is often the result of an ongoing struggle where our safety, security, trust, or even our very sense of self is violated.
With complex trauma, we become experts at NOT listening to our bodies. When we experience trauma, one of the first things we do is leave our body. This is out of self-preservation and is often life saving. Unfortunately, it can also perpetuate dissociating as a way of coping with an unbearable reality. For some, it is definitely not safe to listen to their body right now. I will absolutely acknowledge that. However, with time and support, people can often heal their relationship with their body to some degree and begin to trust it. I know today that the safest place I can be inhabiting is one of listening to my body. It is the only way I can meet my own needs. (Although, unfortunately, I still forget to listen on the daily, but I come back to check in with it quicker than I used to).
Societal norms can also promote complete disregard for listening to our body, which not only doesn’t help us heal our trauma, it actively perpetuates it. For example, the diet industry is a billion dollar behemoth that asks us to ignore our body’s messages, sensations and desires, promoting more dissociation and self-rejection instead. It encourages us to follow a plan that likely has complete disregard for our body’s needs and wants. When living in this “diet culture world” we use our brain to decide what and when to eat instead of listening to our body’s cues. The “work-through-lunch” culture is another example of how societal norms confuse our connection with our body. The work culture often tells us to stay at your desk, put others’ needs before your own, instead of tuning into what is natural and essential for you and your body.
What can we do?
When deep listening is hard or even contraindicated, we can still try to be present for our body’s needs in small ways. It is imperative to begin by slowing down. Instead of letting autopilot take over, begin tuning into what is going on within and around you. Use baby steps when listening and offer yourself compassion when listening is hard.
A possible baby step for those who are too triggered/ or for any reason unable to do deep listening (½ hour of meditation, for example) is a technique called “active meditation.” Active meditation involves simply placing your attention on sensations for a moment at a time. Any one will do- sight, sound, smell, taste, feel, etc. It is a great way to begin to listen to your body and it takes just 5-10 seconds per time.
Start by taking and releasing a deep breath wherever you are or whatever you’re doing.
Then pick a sensation to notice (for example, noticing what you see).
Spend 5 seconds just noticing (for example, if outside, I could note in my mind's eye that I see a lot of green plants).
Active meditation is quick and a simple way to practice listening to our bodies. I practice it as often as I think of it. It can be especially helpful if I am triggered or distressed.
In summary...
Listening to our bodies involves going against the grain. It’s a radical intention to heal. I invite you to take a step toward listening. Or, if you have been listening for a bit, how can you dial it in further?
Our bodies are speaking. It may be a little whisper right now. And our body’s whisper may have a tough time competing with the blaring volume of our past, our trauma, and the society around us. That’s OK. We all start where we’re at. Remember, it just begins with an intention and a pause.