Sizing Up: Wearing Clothes That Fit
A friend said to me last week, “I just had to size-up.” Meaning, they had bought some clothes larger than their previous size. I noticed the way that they spoke these words. They spoke in a very matter of fact tone, without any hint of shame, regret, disappointment, frustration. I especially like the way they used the verb “sizing-up” as if this is an unremarkable, everyday thing worthy of a cute slang word. And it is an unremarkable, everyday thing worthy of a cute slang word. It is normal for our bodies to change through time. Unfortunately, diet culture would have us believe it isn’t normal or OK for our bodies to get larger.
Our bodies change and we may need to “size-up” for hundreds of reasons. And not one of these reasons has anything to do with “being bad” or “not doing it right.” (Although diet culture tries to tell us this.)
Wearing clothes that are too small is a form of self harm. Think of how wearing jeans that are too tight can cut into your middle. This is painful physically. It’s hard to let your belly relax. It can literally cause stomach aches and impair digestion. Wearing too tight jeans can also be painful emotionally. Feeling the waistband cut into your middle can be a constant reminder that you are not as thin as you feel you should be.
It is a not-so-subtle way of telling yourself you are not OK, your body is not OK, and you need to change your body to fit some arbitrary number on the back of a piece of clothing. That makes no sense! We are also more apt to isolate when we don’t have anything to wear that we feel comfortable in.
What can you do?
First off, take care of yourself right away, do it as soon as you can. (Now). When it’s time to “size-up,” just do it. Don’t delay or wait. Don’t spend time thinking of a new diet plan or beating yourself up.
I invite you to mindfully observe how your body feels in the clothes you wear. Are the armbands on a shirt too tight? Does a dress constantly ride up somewhere it shouldn't and annoy them? Listening to the body's cues for comfort can be a wonderful exercise in body attunement. Oftentimes, the two most important clothing items to get are a bra (if you wear one) that’s big enough and pants that work for you.
Shopping Tips
Choose a day of shopping when your emotions are either neutral or positive and set a time limit to help keep from getting overwhelmed.
Go shopping with friends who support you on this body-acceptance journey. This can help reduce fear and obsession about how you look. A trusted friend can also give a great, more objective, second opinion. Not to mention a friend can make shopping more fun!
Bring more than one size into the dressing room with you. Different designers size clothes differently. What might be one size in a certain brand, could well be a different size in another.
When trying on clothes, assess for fit and comfort before you look in the mirror. Can you move well in the garment? Is it too tight fitting in any area? If satisfied with the feel, then turn around and assess the looks.
If you find an item that fits well and passes your style test, but you feel uncomfortable about the size, buy it anyway and take the tag out when you get home.
Often, going to specifically plus size stores can be a form of self-care. For example, if you are going shopping and you know you are not going to see a lot of choices, it is another form of self-harm to go and beat yourself up about how you are not skinny enough for "regular" stores.
Express your individuality. You’re not limited to certain gender norms. Shop all departments in the store. You can also have fun with a few accessories. A cozy scarf or a sassy pair of sunnies can add a big amount of pizazz to your outfit with a small amount of effort or cost.
I acknowledge that getting to the store can be hard. On-line shopping can be a great alternative. Follow the same guidelines as above and order many sizes. Then be sure to budget in some extra time/energy for packaging returns. Planning for this ahead of time can reduce frustration.
What if I can’t afford new clothes?
If you don’t have the money to buy a whole new wardrobe, shop at second hand stores or have a clothes trading party with friends. Well-fitting garments can also be introduced one piece at a time.
Your jeans/pants waist can be increased one to 3 sizes by using pants extenders. These are easy to find at Walmart or Amazon, and will set you back about $7 for a set of 5.
A final call to action
To make room for your new clothes that fit, and to ditch the constant reminder that you need to change your body, spend some time clearing your closet of clothes that are too small. If you’re finding that it’s just too hard to get rid of these clothes that haven’t fit well for years, ask a friend to come over and help weed out your closet.
Dressing in clothes that fit well is a form of self care and a radical act of body liberation. You don’t have to look like you just stepped off the cover of a magazine with every hair in place. And you don’t need to dress in baggy sweats in order to hide and look like you didn’t try, either. Try to find the middle ground.